This Week in Bullet Buys

by funklord

This post is going to show that Alex Jones and I are NOT the only lunatics tracking these Government bullet purchases.

Evidence the first:   Two Congressmen- Rep. Tim Huelskamp who is a Republican from Kansas, and Sen. Tom Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma, both expresses concerns and demanded answers from the Dept. of Homeland Security.  The responses they got were ridiculous.  DHS claims that the purchases were to save money.  The problem with that is two fold:  The bullets the bought are NOT designed for target practice, they are a much more expensive version, and they bought the ammo equivalent of a 24 year war.  How is any of that in the interest of saving money?

Evidence the second:  Another article explaining that the Social Security Administration will get 174K bullets.  Their main job?  Cracking down on government waste and fraud.   What are they preparing for?

These two articles were NOT put our by Infowars, and obviously those Congressmen are real.

And there is more!  As Roger sang in 101 Dalmations “If (this) doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will”.  Along with the purchases of a disgusting amount of ammo, the DHS has also contracted with a company that has designed desensitizing targets to use their newly acquired bullets on.  These targets are of pregnant women, old people, and kids.  The purpose is to eliminate the hesitation of pulling the trigger when innocents are involved.  This is truly heinous stuff.

And finally, the FBI is getting into the act, with 100 million rounds going to them as well. All of this, mind you, while we still can’t close our budget, and the administration contemplates various forms of gun control.  Very strange combination of events.

Keep your ears and eyes open.  This stuff is really happening.

And _______ was his name O

by funklord

What do you think would elicit 90 days in the clink?  Domestic violence?  Multiple DUI Charges?  Killing a baby?  Yelling BINGO in a crowded bingo hall?  If you said “all of these” you are of genius level intelligence (This is opinion, not fact).

In my latest and ongoing attack on our most useless state Kentucky, A 18 year-old prankster yelled “BINGO” in a PACKED house of old ladies.  Now if you have ever been to Bingo with your grandma (I have), then you are completely aware of how absolutely HILARIOUS this is.  Nothing is more comical than old ladies screaming and cursing at you.  This, however, is where the hilarity ends.

A cop cuffs him, tossed him into the back of a cruiser, and he gets 90 days in jail, and a 250 dollar fine!  Not only that, he is not allowed to say the word BINGO for 6 months!  This is truly insane.  How did the cop know  the kid wasn’t a farmer who had a dog, and it just HAPPENED that Bingo was his name-o?  He didn’t know, he didn’t even ask!  That’s just shoddy investigative police work.  Not to be dramatic, but how is the ACLU not involved?  This is extreme over reaching of government.   I am glad this is making national headlines on the FFP.
This is similar to the “Yelling ‘Fire!’ in a crowded theater” argument, while it is not protected under Free Speech, I hardly think this deserves criminal prosecution.   Since this cop clearly has nothing to do, maybe they should send him to Sacramento CA or Camden NJ.

“Why the Bullet Buys”, Congress cries.

by funklord

And you thought I was the only conspiracy nut worried about this.  As I have been following for months now (see earlier posts under Bullet Buys), the Department of Homeland Security has for months now been buying a CRAP TON of bullets, which they claim is for training purposes.  The bullets they are buying are called Hollow Points, and for those of you in the know, those are not for target practice, unless the target is turning your head into a 1985 Gallagher routine (Previous joke requires a time machine).  This story was all over the FFP, and Alex Jones, as usual, was on top of it from the get go.  As I saw it, just a regular 70’s obsessed dude trying to figure out life, I was reading about this and yet NO ONE on any traditional news source was talking about this.  I found it very disturbing, and it made my head go to strange paranoid places I dare not travel.

Then I see this article and it made me scream Hallelujah.  Seriously I did, ask my neighbors.   Congressman Lance, A Republician from New Jersey, is asking the Congressional Oversight Committee to look into this purchase, and have Secretary Napolitano give answers.  Thank God someone is saying something.  You should read the Infowars article because there is lots of crazy stuff.  It made me realize this:

When Bush and Cheney were in power, and they were running roughshod all over the constitution with the Patriot Act, Gitmo, and Iraq, it was the Demcrats what called them out on their shiz.  Now that Obama is in power, with his NDAA, Drones killing American citizens, and prison purchases, it’s the Republicans doing the barking.

The question I get asked most is “Where are you going with this”?  Well my point is thus:  You can’t get caught up in the political game.  That’s what it is, a game.  They aren’t working for you, and they only speak up when it is in their best political interest.  Have a point of view, have conviction in your beliefs, and defend them, just don’t trust those in power to do the right thing.  Yesterday’s friends are tomorrow’s enemies.

The Greatest Story Ever Stole(n)

by funklord

Crazy story.  A waitress loses her wallet while out with some pals.  She knows someone has grabbed it because checks get written in her name, credit cards used, etc.,  two weeks of hell.  You finally get everything cancelled, and get life back on track.  You go to work, and four teenagers get seated in your area.  Nothing particularly noteworthy, except that one of the girls orders a margarita.  Seems young, but with medical procedures these days who knows.  She asks her for an ID.  The girl reaches into her wallet and pulls out her drivers license.   The waitress takes a look at it and realized it’s HER STOLEN ID!    BUSTED

This is where she totally impresses me.  She calmly walks back, calls the police, and pretends like everything is cool until they get there.  How great would that be?!  If my identity had been compromised, OH MY GOD would it feel awesome to know I had that A-hole dead to rights.  Just sitting there, smirking, drinking his appletini, yucking it up.  All the while knowing his days were numbered, that he would soon be behind bars.  Well not necessarily behind bars, but maybe arrested IN the bar, then forced to pay back the charges along with the fines.  No real jail time to speak of, possibly some community service, etc.  Yeah that would be nice….

Read the story here.

Locusts? In Egypt? Someone turned the bible into real life.

by funklord

It looks like the plagues of Eqypt are back, and crazier than ever!  I almost didn’t believe this when I read it.  The entire Middle East is bracing for a biblical plague of locust proportions.  30 million bugs, hatched in the fall, are no longer hungry hungry larva, they are hungry hungry insect teenagers, eating everything green in their path.

Also, and I thought this was really weird, apparently people think that burning tires is the way to repel the swarm.  Do not understand that one.  Humungous Citronella candles I could get behind, but tires?  Maybe they are made out of insecticide over there.

This swarm is scheduled to hit Israel by Passover.  That should be fun because *insert LA style Jewish joke here

 

*For Jewish comedian friends of the Funk Freedom Press, please submit your jokes to:

Funklord@funkfreedompress.com  Don’t forget your name, age, and contact information.   One lucky winner will get to write news blog just like the Funklord!  No purchase necessary, see rules for event details.