Category Archives: Viruses, bacteria, plagues, disease

Bird flu becoming Mammal Flu part deux

by funklord

I have been thinking about his situation, not really sure how to respond.  I am totally on the fence.  The facts that are being presented are this:  There is a new strain of Avian Flu that is concerning China.  So much, that they are calling in experts from around the globe.  The medical term is N7N9.  Here are the numbers as of today:  13 deaths, in 41 known cases.  41 cases?  That hardly seems like a freak out number.  Not only that, but according to the latest articles, this Flu shows no sign of going from human to human.

As you can read, the typical irrational behavior is occurring, killing several thousands birds, and the refusal to eat chicken.  I do understand the precaution, however KFC is a little upset that this concern is cutting into their bottom line (that is a true story).

The United States pharmaceutical industry is already seeing the money signs.  They are hard at work on a vaccine.

The real problem in my eyes is that a Chinese Colonel is implicating the US as the culprit, in what they are calling a pre-meditated biological attack.  I don’t know if that is true, but I am pretty sure neither does he.

One of two scenarios is true:

1.  This is a WAY bigger problem then they are letting on, and China has a history of hiding extremely problematic situations.  The fact that they would bring in outside help for a few deaths seems like there is something MUCH bigger here.  We should totally worry

OR

2.  This is totally a bogus and overly sensationalized story.  This will be similar to the 2009 Avian Flu (Part 1) scare.  What was the death toll on that exactly?  Significantly less than the regular flu, which kills several thousand people each season. They had a vaccine ready, and the pharmaceutical companies made a killing.

As of right now I think this is totally concocted, but that may change.

Locusts? In Egypt? Someone turned the bible into real life.

by funklord

It looks like the plagues of Eqypt are back, and crazier than ever!  I almost didn’t believe this when I read it.  The entire Middle East is bracing for a biblical plague of locust proportions.  30 million bugs, hatched in the fall, are no longer hungry hungry larva, they are hungry hungry insect teenagers, eating everything green in their path.

Also, and I thought this was really weird, apparently people think that burning tires is the way to repel the swarm.  Do not understand that one.  Humungous Citronella candles I could get behind, but tires?  Maybe they are made out of insecticide over there.

This swarm is scheduled to hit Israel by Passover.  That should be fun because *insert LA style Jewish joke here

 

*For Jewish comedian friends of the Funk Freedom Press, please submit your jokes to:

Funklord@funkfreedompress.com  Don’t forget your name, age, and contact information.   One lucky winner will get to write news blog just like the Funklord!  No purchase necessary, see rules for event details.

You don’t have a tapeworm. That’s only in your head

by funklord

Would you rather have brain cancer, or a Tapeworm?  Answer seems obvious right?  What if when trying to remove a tumor, your doctor instead discovers a huge tapeworm sucking the brain juice out of your Medulla Oblongata?!

That’s what happened to Australian rocker Jay Whalley.  He had headaches, seizures, the whole bit.  He goes to a doctor, they go into his skull and find a massive tapeworm in there, all curled up and cozy.  This source?  Apparently he contracted it from an infected person a few years ago.  apparently they can’t withstand the stomach, so the eggs end up in the muscles, and remain there, dormant and nun-harmful UNLESS they end up in your eyes or brain.  Usually these are found in pork.  Oh and this guy?  He’s a vegetarian.

Sometimes it’s LITERALLY like life is set up like a casino:  You only win if the house lets you.  At least it didn’t look like this guy.

STD (Seniors Transmiting Disease) Update

by funklord

What did I tell you!  Seniors are catching STD’s at a rapid rate, and here are the numbers.  I am only posting this because I just mentioned this phenomenon like a week ago.  I do not have an unhealthy fascination with the sexual practices and disease spreading of the elderly.  I do hope to catch that mental disorder, when I am in my 60’s though.

What I think is amazing,  is that in our youth obsessed culture, you can have a happy love life at the end of your life.  Thanks to technological advancements the retirement home is like college, now complete with all the risks of promiscuity.  This is a tale of hope!  Sex can continue long after God designed us to stop trying.

This is Scary: Drug Resistant TB outbreak in Downtown LA

by funklord

As I just reported a few days ago, Drug Resistant TB is on the rise in some underdeveloped countries.  Well now it has struck Downtown Los Angeles.  This article from KCAL describes how the Feds are swarming to downtown LA, in search of infected people.  From the article, it is obvious that most of the infected are homeless.  This is scary for several reasons.  The first is that most of these people can’t afford the help they need, thus spreading it on to others.  Second since most are transient, the bacteria can spread all over the city.  This is disturbing not only because that puts everyone in the city at rick, but don’t forget that in other countries, the homeless have been targeted for medical trials against their will by pharmaceutical companies.  In Poland, several vagrants were infected with the Avian Flu for testing.  I am not saying this is what is happening here (yes I am), but it is definitely a possibility. The article never states where the origin of this outbreak was, or how it started.  And third and most important:  This is DRUG RESISTANT!  That means if you contract this, there is no cure, or it is very long, hard, and expensive.

If you live in LA, keep your ears open, but not your mouths.  TB is transmitted by the saliva from an infected person’s cough.  Wear a face mask.