Category Archives: Humorous

STD (Seniors Transmiting Disease) Update

by funklord

What did I tell you!  Seniors are catching STD’s at a rapid rate, and here are the numbers.  I am only posting this because I just mentioned this phenomenon like a week ago.  I do not have an unhealthy fascination with the sexual practices and disease spreading of the elderly.  I do hope to catch that mental disorder, when I am in my 60’s though.

What I think is amazing,  is that in our youth obsessed culture, you can have a happy love life at the end of your life.  Thanks to technological advancements the retirement home is like college, now complete with all the risks of promiscuity.  This is a tale of hope!  Sex can continue long after God designed us to stop trying.

Come on, why does the CDC ruin EVERYTHING!

by funklord

I know this is the night most people make Scorpios (do the math, it’s fun), but the CDC has to come along and ruin the fun.  Apparently they want you to refrain from sexual activity due to the overwhelmingly rampant STD epidemic going on!  Half are between 15 and 24, which makes sense, but you know what the other half is mostly?  You guessed it, the elderly!  Thanks to Viagra and Retirement homes, well you get the picture.  If you don’t, Taco Bell has a new marketing campaign to help with the visuals.

Either way, it’s going on the countdown.

The 2013 Disease Countdown

1.  The 2013 FLU season
2.  The Norovirus (Stomach Flu)
3.  Typhoid
4.  Saudi Arabian SARS (Technically started in 2012)
5.  Drug Resistant Tuberculosis
6.  Rampant STD’s (Various)

Dissecting the flirt (how romanitcal)

by funklord

Today is Valentine’s Day, the day of flying babies whose job it is to get men and women together to make more (flying) babies.  I guess they also get men and men together, and sometimes women and women, but not necessarily with the intention of making babies.  These cherubs have no interest in getting dogs, cats, rabbits, or any other animal together, which seems very short sighted and speciesist, since they are capable of love as well.  I have gotten way off topic.

Flirting.  We all do it, no matter how awkwardly.  Even if we are married, or seeing someone, we are all guilty of an innocent flirt.  Why do we do it?  “To get laid” was my answer, but apparently that is not always true.  NIU Professor and sexual specialist David Henningsen, has been studying this topic for years.  It turns out we have several reasons for flirting:  to get laid (I was right), to test the waters with a current friend and possible potential mate, or even simply to build self-esteem or get something you want.

Check out the article.   You may be doing it (flirting, not sexual intercourse), and not even know it.

From babies, to boys, to men (if we are lucky)

by funklord

Russia, and I am not making this up, hired Boys II Men in a marketing campaign to increase the birth rate of the Russian people.  Let me repeat:  Putin paid a 90 R&B band to come to Russia and basically convince the people to have more sex.  This is the worst idea since the 2007 “Day of Conception” fridge giveaway.  They gave people the day off on September 12th, and any woman who gave birth 9 months later was entered into a raffle to win a fridge.   An iPod loaded with Barry White and Marvin Gay would seem more appropriate.

You would think that with Vodka as the national drink, bad sexual choices wouldn’t be a problem.

The Grungy Girl Gang Act 5 – The Actual Movie

by funklord

I totally called it.  I have just been alerted by a Hollywood insider, and avid fan of the site, that my treatment for The Grungy Girl Gang has indeed been made by MTV!  Oh, there are a few differences than what I have been pitching you guys for the past few months.  That’s okay, what prolific writer hasn’t had to make a few concessions for the opportunity to make their Opus right?

First of all, I had to change the name to Spring Breakers.  NBD there.  Next?  A few casting changes to appeal to a younger demographic.   Fine.  Now things are starting to go a little off course, but I can right the sails.  I will make it up to Kristen.  Ok ready to shoot?  Nope.  One more quick thing, we cut out all the hijinks, and replaced it with 4 SUPER SEXY criminals, a lot of sex, and we’ve replaced all the jokes with sexual intercourse.  We did, however, get James Franco.   That’s fine, I like sex, sexy girls, and sexual intercourse. plus James Franco is okay.  Who is watching comedies these days anyway right?  Now can we start shooting?  Just one more small thing:  We are cutting you completely out.

Now that, I expected.

The End.