Tag Archives: Kentucky

And _______ was his name O

by funklord

What do you think would elicit 90 days in the clink?  Domestic violence?  Multiple DUI Charges?  Killing a baby?  Yelling BINGO in a crowded bingo hall?  If you said “all of these” you are of genius level intelligence (This is opinion, not fact).

In my latest and ongoing attack on our most useless state Kentucky, A 18 year-old prankster yelled “BINGO” in a PACKED house of old ladies.  Now if you have ever been to Bingo with your grandma (I have), then you are completely aware of how absolutely HILARIOUS this is.  Nothing is more comical than old ladies screaming and cursing at you.  This, however, is where the hilarity ends.

A cop cuffs him, tossed him into the back of a cruiser, and he gets 90 days in jail, and a 250 dollar fine!  Not only that, he is not allowed to say the word BINGO for 6 months!  This is truly insane.  How did the cop know  the kid wasn’t a farmer who had a dog, and it just HAPPENED that Bingo was his name-o?  He didn’t know, he didn’t even ask!  That’s just shoddy investigative police work.  Not to be dramatic, but how is the ACLU not involved?  This is extreme over reaching of government.   I am glad this is making national headlines on the FFP.
This is similar to the “Yelling ‘Fire!’ in a crowded theater” argument, while it is not protected under Free Speech, I hardly think this deserves criminal prosecution.   Since this cop clearly has nothing to do, maybe they should send him to Sacramento CA or Camden NJ.

Alfred Hitchcock presents: Flying Fungal Avian Invaders (There has to be a catchier title).

by funklord

I will try to refrain from all the obvious comments.  In Kentucky, due to unknown reasons, thousands of birds have made Hopkinsville their home.  Much like the movie, they are attacking citizens, pooping everywhere, and basically terrorizing the town.  So what did the town do?  They hired a guy to take care of the problem.  This pro decided it would be a good idea to blast large bottle rocket type incendiaries at the trees, scaring the birds who then leave…and land on the nearest tree without a maniac shooting large bottle rockets at them.

Here is the twist the FFP has become famous for:  Other that being a general nuisance, these birds crap.  A LOT.  The bird droppings can cause a fungal disease called histoplasmosis.  It is dangerous to humans with compromised immune systems, and it’s fatal to dogs!  The poop lands on the soil, thus contaminating it.  It can take years for the soil to become healthy again.  It can be cured in dogs, but its expensive and takes months.

Wait what? How…I mean…huh? Are you serious?

by funklord

As if I needed another reason to hate Kentucky.  This is my one allowed pervy news post.  A former Bengals cheerleader turned teacher just plead guilty to banging a 17 year old student (male).  What?! Are you KIDDING me?  She was a PROFESSIONAL cheerleader and she chooses some pimply-faced dork from a high school.  Ok I am sure he was stud, I mean he has to be right?  She wouldn’t be into tall nerds, you don’t think?  Nah of course not.  I mean I had no chance with the regular cheerleaders in my school, and all of whom were forgettable.

The only thing that helps me sleep at night is that this is probably the peak for this kid.  How can you top this?  I mean seriously. This is every kids fantasy.  I, on the other hand, am on the upswing (probability would dictate).  Although phrases like “probability would dictate” will ensure a deep down slide in my chances (probability would dictate).

Road Kill Cafe: Chinese Food Edition

by funklord

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.  This is what kitschy t-shirts are made of.  In Kentucky (where else) a Chinese restaurant was shut down because some of the workers were caught wheeling a dead deer through the back door, into the kitchen.  When the police asked, they did admit to the wrong doing and claimed they did not know they weren’t supposed to do that.  I don’t know if that is because of their recent arrival in America, or the “acceptable food’ etiquette in that part of the country.  I do know that the most disturbing part of that is this wasn’t a deer they just hit.  I could ALMOST understand why they would think that is okay.  I’ve had venison jerky, and I know a bunch of hunters who have hit deer and brought it home.  Not saying I would do it, but I get it.  No this was just a random dead deer.  How long?  Who knows.  Guesstimate?  Yeah no idea.  Probably not too long?

Oh and all they have to do to reopen is sanitize the kitchen.