Author Archives: funklord

Saudi Arabian SARS in Denmark

by funklord

A family of 4 visited Saudi Arabia and flew back to Denmark, only to find out they have a deadly new strain of the SARS virus.  Despite what the Saudi government says (see yesterday’s article), this is in fact dangerous, and it is in the same viral family as SARS, even though it also attacks the kidneys.  A man who contracted the virus in Qatar was flown to the UK, where they diagnosed his condition as SARS.

That means I have to officially update the outbreak leader board:

1.  Pertussis – “Whooping Cough”
2.  Fatal rash caused by staph infection
3.  “Flesh Eating Bacteria”, also a staph infection
4.  The Bubonic Plague
5.  Ebola
6.  Capnocytophaga – Woman lost hands and feet from dog saliva
7.  Untreatable Gonorrhea
8.  Kid died from a brain destroying ameoba, found in a lake
9.  West Nile Virus
10.  Hantavirus
11.  Rabies
12.  Typhus
13.  Legionnaires Disease
14.  New Jersey Superbug
15.  Popcorn Lung
16.  Saudi Arabian SARS

Saudi Arabian SARS: Day 2

by funklord

They are in cover-up mode.  This is where I start sniffing the air.  In the coming weeks, millions of Muslims will be making the holy pilgrimage to Mecca.  The Saudi government and the World Health Organization (WHO) have not got this Kidney attacking SARS under control.  The Saudi government says there is nothing to worry about.  Everything is fine, it’s not that bad.  Millions of people will be exposed over the next few weeks, and my feeling is they don’t want a panic, or even worse, some kind of violent outburst.  The WHO is even saying that it is NOT SARS, and is nothing like it, oh except for the fact that it is EXACTLY like SARS with the deadly addition of also attacking your kidneys.  Look for this to balloon in the next few weeks.

The upcoming bacapalypse

by funklord

It is official:  A bacon shortage is coming.  Well, a pork shortage, but that quickly will cut into bacon, make no mistake.  Man my roommate is going to be pissed.  He loves this stuff.  He buys the good kind.  You know the stuff I’m talking about.  Apple musk, hickey smoked, all that nonsense.  I am not in love with bacon myself, but the stuff he makes really causes me to question my meat loyalties.

A good friend of mine, her mom is one of the leading experts on bacon, yet she cooks it in the microwave.  I don’t get it.  Anyway apparently her palate is so refined that someone tried to pass off “Boars hog” bacon as…I guess regular bacon, (I am a novice here) and she went absolutely ape $#!*.  Pretty funny actually.

My financial advice:  invest in Bacon Bits futures.  I think that their small size, and ability to be liquidated easily will make them the currency of the future.

Also, what does this mean for the future of fair food?  What will they wrap other meats in next?

Zombie Apocalypse Day 122: Attack of the Zombees

by funklord

Ok, the title is a little misleading I will admit first and foremost.  This is NOT a story about little insects that have died, and were reanimated in some way (radiation, evil demonic spell, toxic waste, you’ve seen the movies) who have a sudden urge to eat brains.  If that WAS the case, I see two scenarios taking place.

1.  If the bees flew into your ears and slowly ate your brains from within (really bad for us)
OR
2.  They go after other bees, and eat THEIR brains (or whatever passes for brains in the insect world).

*Before I get a crazy amount of E-mails defending the intelligence of the Honey Bee, I want to say that I love Bees.  I eat honey almost every day.  I appreciate their talents with pollen.  I take pollen and I sneeze, but they turn it into sticky golden deliciousness.  I also recognize that as far as insects go, bees have to be(e) the SMARTEST of the insect world.  They have one (1) stinger to defend themselves.  One.  They don’t have the semi-automatic stinger of the Wasp.  They get one shot at it, then they die so they have to REALLY think things over.  If you start swatting at one, they have to think about all the angles.  “Will he hit me, and if so, will I survive it?  Will he just walk away or is this shit going to get serious?  Am I ready to die for this today?”  Some pretty heavy stuff.

So back to this amazing article.  So apparently there is a fly that is preying on bees.  This monster jumps on the bees back, and injects its eggs into their stomachs, and the larva eat the bee from within and burst out when they are big enough, ALIEN style!  Crazy right!  They are called “Zombie Bees” because while this is going on, the bees (which sleep at night) are up at all hours, flying erratically, and just dropping dead.  The fuss is that this fly, native to North America, has never attacked bees before, and this may be contributing to Colony Collapse Disorder.  If you don’t know what that is, or don’t think it is serious, look at some of the recent work of Linda Moulton-Howe.

Saudi Arabian SARS

by funklord

This story has all the makings of a conspiracy, but I do not quite believe it yet.  Apparently in Saudi Arabia and Qatar there is a strain of SARS that has killed two people by respiratory failure and kidney failure.  Now this is where it gets interesting:  Remember that SARS is a flu like disease, killing people through respiratory failure.  This one involves the Kidneys.  Two completely unrelated body systems.  This is not something seen in the previous SARS strains that ravaged through China a few years ago.  I will keep looking into this before I draw any conclusions.