Author Archives: funklord

Ice Packed Penis

by funklord

From my previous post, you were introduced to my feelings on Kentucky.  Given that, this story does not surprise me.  Now what man has NOT had a nightmare about his penis being frozen off, and developing gangrene to the point amputation is needed?  I know I have.  Well a Kentucky man is going through that for real.  He served in the Army.  A Patriot.  This man goes to the VA hospital for a medical procedure on his penis, (penal implants and a circumcision.  Seems like paying twice to get the same length, but I digress) and after the surgery the nurse put ice on it for 19 hours straight!  He got frostbite of the penis, it developed into gangrene, and he had to have the whole thing removed.  He can’t even urinate!  So he is suing for malpractice.

Normally I would joke about freeze dried wieners or something like that, but I don’t think this is the place for jokes.  This positively terrifying if you love your penis, or one that belongs to someone else.

Road Kill Cafe: Chinese Food Edition

by funklord

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.  This is what kitschy t-shirts are made of.  In Kentucky (where else) a Chinese restaurant was shut down because some of the workers were caught wheeling a dead deer through the back door, into the kitchen.  When the police asked, they did admit to the wrong doing and claimed they did not know they weren’t supposed to do that.  I don’t know if that is because of their recent arrival in America, or the “acceptable food’ etiquette in that part of the country.  I do know that the most disturbing part of that is this wasn’t a deer they just hit.  I could ALMOST understand why they would think that is okay.  I’ve had venison jerky, and I know a bunch of hunters who have hit deer and brought it home.  Not saying I would do it, but I get it.  No this was just a random dead deer.  How long?  Who knows.  Guesstimate?  Yeah no idea.  Probably not too long?

Oh and all they have to do to reopen is sanitize the kitchen.

Saudi Arabian SARS: Day 8

by funklord

The Saudi government is finally taking action.  First they were in denial mode, but something triggered a reversal of policy.  Three cases doesn’t seem like much.   The WHO also stated that this strain isn’t easily transferred from one person to another.  The question is, why the reversal in policy?  If I had to guess, I would say that it is because of the millions of people making the hajj pilgrimage.

Can you ear me now?

by funklord

This sounds like the plot to a porn movie.  A Baltimore woman loses her ear, and part of her skull to cancer.  The brilliant doctors at John Hopkins took parts of her rib, and fashioned and created a new ear for her.  Like any cartilage based cookie, this one had to be baked to perfection.  They put it in her arm, and cooked it at 98.6 degrees for 4-5 months.  You’ll know when the edges brown.

When it was done they stitched it on her head, and off she went.  *Warning:  Do not try at home*

Saudi Arabian SARS: Day 5

by funklord

The WHO has weighed in, and they say that this deadly strain of SARS is NOT easily transferable person to person.  This is a relief to the Saudi government, given the thousands of pilgrims that will be packing into their borders over the next few months.  I would like to point out 2 things:

1.  This SARS strain (and the WHO has confirmed it is within the same family as SARS), while a respiratory infection, it also aggressively attacks the kidneys.  This is a strange “mutation” given the primary mode of transference from the original SARS.

2. On that note, the fact that it is NOT easily passed person to person is a complete deviation from the original strain (If the WHO is giving accurate information).  To me, this seems to be a step backwards, from an evolutionary stand point.