Author Archives: funklord

Zombie Apocalypse: Day 151

by funklord

This story falls in line with the previous Zombie Apocalypse stories, in that it involves “drug-induced” rages, police officers, and random attacks.

In a nutshell:  A homeless man, allegedly jacked up on PCP attacks several random people, then goes after a police officer.  Now the police officer is only armed with a baton, and as you can see from the security footage, is intimidated by this hulking monster approaching him.  This is where another homeless man, Charles Alexander, is a hero and body slams the DRUG FUELED goon on his back, just as the Calvary arrives.

Like I have said in previous posts, this may not be an according to Webster zombie attack, but these super-high criminals are attacking random people, eating weird things (soap, ears, animals), and that are hard to stop with conventional means (bullets).   They are both becoming commonplace AND increasing in frequency.

*RETRACTION* Zombie Apocalype Day 150

by funklord

Okay, every now and then the FFP makes a small mistake, but we have the integrity to set the record straight.  Yesterday I posted a story about a woman who eats soap and goes after police officers.  Well this more detailed version just came out, and it connects some of the loose ends the previous version left hanging out there.

Basically this woman had been driving crazy all day, crashes into the Medical Center.  Police confront her but she refuses to roll down her window.  This causes one officer to break the rear window with his baton, injuring himself.  Then she gets free and drives right at another officer, who then shoots at the car.  The bullet doesn’t kill her, but it causes her to careen off and crash.  They arrest her on the spot.

The soap eating part apparently WAS true.

So while this DOES NOT confirm the spread of a rage inducing, zombie-like virus, it is STILL pretty damn weird.

Children raised by________

by funklord

I had no idea this was a real thing, but apparently babies can be raised by wolves, goats, and in this one case monkeys.  This article talks about 6 people who when abandoned by humans, were adopted by other species.  It seems horrible for the kids involved, but in truth they didn’t know any different.  It’s amazing how mothers are mothers, no matter if they are people, goats, rats, monkeys, dogs, etc.  It is really touching, to me at least, to see that love and caring are truly universal.  While most humans act above nature, the other 99.99% of the life on this planet proves them wrong every time.

Zombie Apocalypse: Day 150

by funklord

It’s news articles like these that are either just terribly written news pieces, absolutely devoid of any journalistic ability OR cover-ups for genuine weird crap that is happening out in the world.  Odds are it’s probably the first (unfortunately) but let’s say it is the second.  If that is the case, then just what the smell is this?

Let me attempt to review the highlights of this story:

1.  A woman is in custody after ramming her car into another car outside Bethesda Naval Medical.

2.  An officer (yep another police officer) shoots at this woman, no reason given.  I can’t imagine that crashing into another car warrants shooting a woman.  I got hit today by an idiot, and I didn’t even flash the piece much less fire on the fool.

3.  On top of shooting at her, he hurt himself going after her with a baton.  They don’t even mention anything happening to the woman.  This means either the cops kept that part out of the papers OR she was impervious to physical damage.

4.  The woman was seen eating a bar of soap.

There is NOTHING about this story that makes sense.  It falls into the category I am labeling Zombie Apocalypse because while I don’t think she is a member of the living dead, she is either on drugs, pharmaceuticals, Bath Salts. LSD, or whatever they are blaming these sorts of attacks on.  I mean what is different about the last few stories I have reported on, versus a real movie-like zombie attack?  Something weird is happening, and it is happening at an accelerated pace.

Zombie Apocalypse: Day 149

by funklord

If this doesn’t stink of police cover-up, I don’t know what does.  This is a zombie attack, plain and simple.  Let’s review the facts over the past month:

Fact #1

October 9th, a University of Alabama student supposedly drops LSD, strips naked, and attacks two people in a car, tries to bite a woman’s arm, pounds on the police glass where an officer confronts him.  Witnesses say that the man, Gil Coller, slowly approaches the officer, who backs up several times before shooting Gil in the chest.

Fact #2

On October 21st in Tampa Florida, an irrational naked woman goes up to two officers at a “social gathering”.  Apparently she had a weapon.  Details are sketchy, but she is also shot dead. Keep in mind this is not far from where the infamous “bath Salts” zombie was shot on a highway.

Fact #3

Also on the 21st of October, in San Fransisco the police were called to investigate two supposedly “drug fueled” individuals setting fire to a house.  The two men were found naked (see a theme here?) and destroying the windows, as if they were trying to get to something inside.  One of the men had a rifle, and the police used this as reason to shoot the men dead.  During their investigation, they found a blood trail that lead to the backyard where they found 3 decapitated birds.  I would imagine they were partially eaten.  One of the neighbors was interviewed, and said it was like his normal neighbor had just “gone crazy” for no reason.

A few things strike me:  1.  They were all naked.  2.  They tried to eat living animals/humans, 3.  The reason is always drugs of some kind.  This seems convenient since to the common person who doesn’t take drugs, it would seem totally believable that they would make you do insane things, and 4.  they were all going after police, and shot by police.  What if police hadn’t been there?  What if they had targeted someone else?  Why police?  Is there a new drug that is truly making people hate clothes and crave human flesh?  This is all way too weird to ignore.