Category Archives: Strange Animal Related Stuff

Zombie Apocalypse Day 122: Attack of the Zombees

by funklord

Ok, the title is a little misleading I will admit first and foremost.  This is NOT a story about little insects that have died, and were reanimated in some way (radiation, evil demonic spell, toxic waste, you’ve seen the movies) who have a sudden urge to eat brains.  If that WAS the case, I see two scenarios taking place.

1.  If the bees flew into your ears and slowly ate your brains from within (really bad for us)
OR
2.  They go after other bees, and eat THEIR brains (or whatever passes for brains in the insect world).

*Before I get a crazy amount of E-mails defending the intelligence of the Honey Bee, I want to say that I love Bees.  I eat honey almost every day.  I appreciate their talents with pollen.  I take pollen and I sneeze, but they turn it into sticky golden deliciousness.  I also recognize that as far as insects go, bees have to be(e) the SMARTEST of the insect world.  They have one (1) stinger to defend themselves.  One.  They don’t have the semi-automatic stinger of the Wasp.  They get one shot at it, then they die so they have to REALLY think things over.  If you start swatting at one, they have to think about all the angles.  “Will he hit me, and if so, will I survive it?  Will he just walk away or is this shit going to get serious?  Am I ready to die for this today?”  Some pretty heavy stuff.

So back to this amazing article.  So apparently there is a fly that is preying on bees.  This monster jumps on the bees back, and injects its eggs into their stomachs, and the larva eat the bee from within and burst out when they are big enough, ALIEN style!  Crazy right!  They are called “Zombie Bees” because while this is going on, the bees (which sleep at night) are up at all hours, flying erratically, and just dropping dead.  The fuss is that this fly, native to North America, has never attacked bees before, and this may be contributing to Colony Collapse Disorder.  If you don’t know what that is, or don’t think it is serious, look at some of the recent work of Linda Moulton-Howe.

SBD (Silent But Deadly or Stink Bug Domination)

by funklord

I am really only writing about this because of its inherit hilarity?  Irony?  I am not sure.  Washington DC is in the midst of the largest Stink Bug infestation in history.  Is it any coincidence that Capitol Hill is being invaded by large numbers of farty smelling insects so close to the election?  God does have a sense of humor.

Speaking of humor, how funny are these little guys?  For a guy with a 5 year old sense of humor, these things are a home run.  These critters are like your grandpa.  They are unique looking, and kind of crotchety for starters.  If you irritate them enough, they immediately stop what they are doing, and stick their butt in the air.  To the untrained eye, they are doing nothing,  so you watch you for a second wondering what the heck is going on.  Then it hits you.  Your face recoils, your eyes water, your toes curl, and patches of hair immediately grow on your chest.  You lose consciousness for a few seconds.  Why has the US Government not weaponized this?”  You wonder.  So goes the amply names Stink Bug.

To me the funniest part of human flatulence is the sound.  Some times it is quick like and loud like a FRRUMP.  Other times it is slow and quiet like a gas leak.  And other times it makes no sound.  It just assails your senses.  Each scenario has its place on the comedic spectrum.  It is this phenomenon that makes the Stink Bug the most hated, and the most hilarious of the common pest.

This week in Genitalia

by funklord

This one is for the men out there. I have some good news, I have some bad news, and I have some worse news.

The good news: It turns out that men have the unique ability to extend their life, and this way is NOT open to women. The secret (AKA the bad news): Castration. Yes, it turns out that men who have been castrated live significantly longer than those who have not.  The research was inclusive on whether or not the men WANTED to live that long.  Also, how would that procedure effect dogs (actual canines, not men who have lots of sex)?

The worse news (AKA the solution):  In Illinois, there is a fish named the Pacu.  This fish was illegally introduced into several lakes in the state.  Well this little critter has an unusual diet:  Human Testicles.  Yes the dreaded “Ball Cutter” (local nickname) has a few kills under his belt, from chomping on a guy’s Johnson, causing fatal bleeding.  You have to see pictures of this thing.  It has a full set of human looking teeth!

The article outlines the Pacu’s normal diet as “leaves, aquatic vegetation, nuts, and snails”.  I will make sure my nuts and snails are in a cup next time I visit the Windy City.

Purple Eyeball Eater

by funklord

First it was the Fleshing-Eating bacteria, and now this.   Apparently UK scientists have discovered a common parasite that apparently lives on contact lenses and gnaws through your eyeballs, causing vision problems, and even blindness.  It’s found in dust, pool water, and even tap water.  Contacts have been around for decades, why is this just now being discovered? IT EATS YOUR EYEBALLS!  That’s just insane.

Here is the CDC’s official website on the parasite.

Triassic Park

by funklord

For anyone who is a fan of raptors and the T-Rex, we may be closer to ever (at least according to the book).  Move over Besse Cooper, there is a new oldest organism in town.  In Italy, scientists discovered the oldest creatures ever recorded, 230 MILLION years old.  The best part:  They are encased in amber!  If that doesn’t make the 4 year old in you stand up and scream at the top of your lungs, then you are dead inside.  Not only that, but these mites (I know, mosquitoes are so much sexier) are almost identical to their modern day descendants.  This may not seem like a big deal, but that means that evolutionarily speaking, these critters are at the top of their game, along side the shark and the cockroach.  Full story here.