Los Roques Rectangle

When The Funkster was just a lil tyke, I was fascinated with all things weird.  Ghosts, Bigfoot, my nocturnal vampire neighbors (I guess all vampires are nocturnal).  At the top of that list, was The Bermuda Triangle.  For those of you who don’t know, it is basically a triangle shaped section of the south Atlantic, created by connecting Bermuda, Puerto Rico, and the southern tip of Florida.  Catch up on the very skeptical Wiki article here.  Nonetheless, crazy things have happened to planes, ships, etc., that fly through the area, most of them vanishing without a trace.  Large storm clouds, time warps, and geo-magnetic anomalies are often sighted as the root causes for the disappearances.  Besides the eternal Milton Bradley board game version, this phenomenon has mostly vanished from pop culture, much like so many travelers into it’s mysterious waters.

Flash forward to today and the Los Roques islands off the coast of Venezuela.  Most recently an Italian Fashion mogul Vittorio Missoni disappeared with several passengers in a small plane over this “cursed” area.  I remember hearing about this happening, but as totally unaware of the other disappearances that have occurred over the past decade.  15 mysterious disappearances, the most prominent was in 2008 where a ship carrying 14 people vanished without a trace.  The only thing found was the dead body of the co-pilot.  To this day, no ship has been recovered.

Chinese Ghost Towns?

I don’t know if you guys are aware of this strange phenomenon, but China has, for some unknown reason, built several sprawling cities in the most remote sections of their country.  That part isn’t that strange by most standards:  America has several out of the way locations that house resort towns, getaways, summer homes.  We in America love to inhabit the harshest terrain that we can.  The VERY unsettling part is that these ready-made cities, built for 1.5-3 million people, are COMPLETELY EMPTY.  Check out this article in TIME on one such city Ordos.  It has pictures that look like something from Chernobyl.  The difference is that Chernobyl was EVACUATED.  These cities never had people to begin with.  This goes against everything I have come to believe about the evolution of cities.

If you take a look at all the major cities in the US, you see that each one grew around a need that was filled:  Detroit with cars, Los Angeles with the movie industry, Pittsburgh with Stelle.  Look at the port towns of New Orleans, Boston and New York.  With a large influx of people, there is an increased need to build more stuff (apartments, homes, shops, buildings, etc.)  That is the natural progression of city evolution.  So that begs the question:  Why is China continuing to build cities they don’t need?

Let’s take a look at the latest building project.  Basically they are going to level a mountain range in the desert to build a city that can house 3.6 million people…from scratch.  One there is one more problem:  no local water source.  Maybe they can take a page out of LA’s book, and hijack a major river.  This is a 2.2 billion dollar investment and yet, they haven’t filled ten’s of cities they have built previously.  So why do they have them, and what are they going to do with them?  You would think that with a country of one billion people, they could find 1 percent of their population willing to move into a brand new city.

There is one conspiracy theory that has been circling the internet that may answer those questions:  Fukushima.  The plant is still spewing radiation.  The cores are still melting down.  It is literally only a matter of time until Japan is uninhabitable or the population is wiped out.  The rumor is China has offered to move the population of Japan into these ready-made cities.  Given the history between these two countries that has spanned several thousand years, I find it hard to believe China would welcome their age old enemy into their backyard.

Who really knows.  All I know is that these cities are real, and it’s totally weird.

Willy Wonka’s NWO

In a weird mash-up of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and 1984, Nestle has hidden 6 GPS trackers in various UK candy bars.  The contest is just like the movie, if you find the “Golden Ticket” IE tracking devices, you win 10K pounds.  The trick is that the company will know EXACTLY when you open it, and where you are when you win.  What fun is that?  I say build a factory where the six kids (it has to be kids) battle each other for factory dominance.  All the while some unknown, all powerful force is watching them (like the Oompa Loompas but not nearly as cute or musical).  All but one are mangled in strangely comical accidents, and the victor becomes CEO of Nestle. Normally I am pretty cynical, but I like this idea.

Where is Slugworth when you need him?

The upcoming bacapalypse

It is official:  A bacon shortage is coming.  Well, a pork shortage, but that quickly will cut into bacon, make no mistake.  Man my roommate is going to be pissed.  He loves this stuff.  He buys the good kind.  You know the stuff I’m talking about.  Apple musk, hickey smoked, all that nonsense.  I am not in love with bacon myself, but the stuff he makes really causes me to question my meat loyalties.

A good friend of mine, her mom is one of the leading experts on bacon, yet she cooks it in the microwave.  I don’t get it.  Anyway apparently her palate is so refined that someone tried to pass off “Boars hog” bacon as…I guess regular bacon, (I am a novice here) and she went absolutely ape $#!*.  Pretty funny actually.

My financial advice:  invest in Bacon Bits futures.  I think that their small size, and ability to be liquidated easily will make them the currency of the future.

Also, what does this mean for the future of fair food?  What will they wrap other meats in next?

This week in Genitalia

This one is for the men out there. I have some good news, I have some bad news, and I have some worse news.

The good news: It turns out that men have the unique ability to extend their life, and this way is NOT open to women. The secret (AKA the bad news): Castration. Yes, it turns out that men who have been castrated live significantly longer than those who have not.  The research was inclusive on whether or not the men WANTED to live that long.  Also, how would that procedure effect dogs (actual canines, not men who have lots of sex)?

The worse news (AKA the solution):  In Illinois, there is a fish named the Pacu.  This fish was illegally introduced into several lakes in the state.  Well this little critter has an unusual diet:  Human Testicles.  Yes the dreaded “Ball Cutter” (local nickname) has a few kills under his belt, from chomping on a guy’s Johnson, causing fatal bleeding.  You have to see pictures of this thing.  It has a full set of human looking teeth!

The article outlines the Pacu’s normal diet as “leaves, aquatic vegetation, nuts, and snails”.  I will make sure my nuts and snails are in a cup next time I visit the Windy City.