Author Archives: funklord

Russians refuse GMO Corn

by funklord

This one has all the ingredients to look like an anti-American attack on one our biggest food exports:  Monsanto’s Round-Up Ready GMO corn.  The French and the Russians collaborating to take down the their  true nemesis.  The problem is, they are 100% right.

The French did a study on Monsanto’s corn, an extensive one that lasted two years and showed that even small, trace amounts of Round-Up (their patented weed killer) causes cancer.  The Russians saw this study and said “No Thank You” and now refuse to import this stuff.  (The most extensive study done in the states, was 90 days.  You know why?  Former Monsanto executives sit on the FDA governing board.  You know the FDA right?  The regulating body of all the food and drugs in the country).  For all of you that are hip to the jive here, know that independent groups in the states have been saying this for years.  We are to the point that there is a proposition on the California Ballot that will require GMO labeling on all food sources.  This is a win.

For those of you who do not know, here is quick history:  Monsanto is first and foremost a chemical company.  You have heard of DDT and Agent Orange right?  Their babies.  Oh, and the Manhattan Project? (development of the Nuclear Bomb) Yeah they were a major sponsor of the research.  Point is:  Pretty bad company.

Well these guys create a corn seed that is immune to Round-Up, which is their own patented weed killer.  This stuff kills EVERY thing around it, except the corn.  They achieve this by putting some of the Round-Up into the very genetics of the corn itself.  That means every bite you take have trace amounts of this stuff.  The same stuff that causes cancer in….yep trace amounts.

How much corn can possibly be genetically modified?  Oh about 95%.

So stay away from corn on the cob, case closed.  Look at the ingredient list on any of your household foods.  Corn syrup, corn starch, high fructose corn syrup.  All derivatives of corn.  It is literally everywhere.

Who would have thought the French and the Russians…even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Bageling

by funklord

Ever want to look like a Star Trek alien with all those crazy lumps and bumps on your face?  No?  Then you you are not young, hip, or Japanese.  There is a trend sweeping the Land of the Rising Sun, and it is making me feel like a crotchety geezer.  I just don’t get it.  Apparently in the Asian Body Mod world, you can inject a bubble of saline into your forehead, them push the center in so it looks like you have a bagel there.  It is known as “awesome, cool, punk rock, tits, rad, boss, the shit, dah shiznit, groovy, swell, epic, retarded” or whatever word describes trendy in your age group.  It is basically a breast implant on your face.  Seems like a waste to me.

There is a God, because this monstrosity is absorbed by the body within 16 hours.  Oh and before they go out, they smear cream cheese all over it.  Kids these days.

The Yosemite Files: Contagion in Curry Village: Day 37

by funklord

Here is the latest on the Yosemite Hantavirus:  The park screened 100 workers, all of whom were there voluntarily, but they have been sworn to secrecy.  The results will not be published or reported.  Why?  If the have a low volume of infections amongst those who are there on a daily basis, it seems to me that would help their case that all is well.  Why does everything have to seem like a massive cover-up?  Can’t they just report the findings?

The first person who successfully files a FOIA request on this matter will relieve a free one year subscription to the Funk Freedom Press.

Willy Wonka’s NWO

by funklord

In a weird mash-up of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and 1984, Nestle has hidden 6 GPS trackers in various UK candy bars.  The contest is just like the movie, if you find the “Golden Ticket” IE tracking devices, you win 10K pounds.  The trick is that the company will know EXACTLY when you open it, and where you are when you win.  What fun is that?  I say build a factory where the six kids (it has to be kids) battle each other for factory dominance.  All the while some unknown, all powerful force is watching them (like the Oompa Loompas but not nearly as cute or musical).  All but one are mangled in strangely comical accidents, and the victor becomes CEO of Nestle. Normally I am pretty cynical, but I like this idea.

Where is Slugworth when you need him?

Fishy Finger Nuggets

by funklord

This story is incredible.  In Washington, a wakeboarder (no idea) was well I guess wakeboarding when his fingers got caught in a towline loop.  He struggled to get them out before the boat gunned it and failed.  He looks down at his hand and sees 4 bloody stumps where his fingers used to be.  No pain, he insists.  I feel like I would have handled that situation the exact same way.

So fast forward weeks.  A mild-mannered woman, catches a bunch of fish and takes them home to clean.  While doing that, she discovers a finger in the fishes stomach!  She calls the cops, they fingerprint it, and of course it’s the wakeboarders (I think it’s something like water skiing).  They offer him the finger (no seriously) and he says “Nah, I’m good” (Thank god).  Then the cop goes on about how well preserved the fingers are, given that when you are in the tub for 20 minutes they get all pruney.  That’s a good call I say.

Good think she didn’t catch a Pacu.  It would have been spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.