Author Archives: funklord

Return of the Attack of the Zombees

by funklord

zombee

As I reported a year and a half ago, the bee brain eating parasite is now spreading across the U.S.  This is the same fly that injects its eggs into the honey bee, then the eggs hatch, and the bee, being eaten from within, starts to act like a zombie.  At least that is what these reports are saying.  I mean, are they acting like a Haitian Vodou zombie?  Are they acting like George Romero zombies (which are really ghouls)?  Are they eating honey bee brains (which judging by the name should be sweet) instead of just honey?
I think they should be called Al-bee-ins since it is more akin to the facehugger of the famous extraterrestial franchise.

On a serious note, how much crap is nature going to through at the VERY necessary Honeybee?  I mean they have been in decline since 2004, and they are required for our basic survival.  Without pollinators, the food system will collapse, and that is not hyperbole.  If that happens, it is us that will have to then turn to eating brains to survive.

What is this, 1350 A.D.?

by funklord

While the Bubonic Plague hit it’s stride in the late 14th century, this is not the first time we have covered it here at the FFP.  Remember back in September of last year we talked about a girl in Colorado who contracted this rare disease, and was successfully diagnosed and treated.  Unfortunately this is not the case in Madagascar.  There, the Bubonic plague has found new life.

Here is what it looks like under a microscope for those that are curious.  NOT ACTUAL SIZE:

bubonic plaguebubonic plague

bubonic plague

 

Overcrowding and a large rat population are contributing factors to it’s epidemic-like spread.  Remember that the disease is spread by fleas on rats.

fleaRemember these little bastards are hard to kill, and hard to see.  Obviously this picture is not to scale.   We are not that far away from an epidemic of antique diseases here in the U.S.  Just look at the large number of Measles outbreaks in the U.S. this year.

A World of Superheroes

by funklord

What do The Hulk, Doc Samson, She-Hulk, The Abomination, Spiderman, Daredevil, The Fantastic Four, The Leader,  (Have I listed EVERY Marvel superhero yet?) and a Supernova burst have in common?  They are all defined by Gamma Radiation.

Scientists are monitoring Supernova GRB 130427A and the amount and frequency of its gamma radiation release is changing the way we think about collapsed massive stars.  Turns out, it has shot more Gamma Radiation at the earth than any other supernova in history!  If you like astrophysics, comic books, or life on this earth, you should make sure to read this article.

Given the obvious opportunity to become an instant bad ass with a minimum, albeit random downside,  be on the lookout for super-powered scientists in the next 3-6 months, provided we aren’t all granted with heightened senses and super-strength.

Are those tree nuts in your pocket or is that Pacu just happy to see you?

by funklord

What an article to come back to from a small hiatus.  I am sure you remember my immortal post This Week in Genitalia from this time last year.  In it I profiled the benefits of castration, and I debuted a little devil called the Pacu, which is an invasive species of fish that was biting peoples testicles off in Illinois.  This fish had TEETH.  Like really real teeth.

Pacu Large No Watermark

So today, I am sitting in the offices of the Funk Freedom Press, and Freelance reporter Larry Love of Video Expressions tosses me this news piece of the notorious nut nibbler.  Apparently this guy has made his way to New Jersey.  It looks like people are buying these feminist jerks and when they get too big, they are dumping them off in the first waist-high lake they can find.   It was in that article that I learned that these teethy fellows evolved a full set of teeth to crack into tree nuts, which is what they eat in their natural habitat.   It seems their eyesight isn’t so great, as they are mistaking men’s nuts for tree nuts.  Honest mistake.