Category Archives: Zombie Apocalypse

Return of the Attack of the Zombees

by funklord

zombee

As I reported a year and a half ago, the bee brain eating parasite is now spreading across the U.S.  This is the same fly that injects its eggs into the honey bee, then the eggs hatch, and the bee, being eaten from within, starts to act like a zombie.  At least that is what these reports are saying.  I mean, are they acting like a Haitian Vodou zombie?  Are they acting like George Romero zombies (which are really ghouls)?  Are they eating honey bee brains (which judging by the name should be sweet) instead of just honey?
I think they should be called Al-bee-ins since it is more akin to the facehugger of the famous extraterrestial franchise.

On a serious note, how much crap is nature going to through at the VERY necessary Honeybee?  I mean they have been in decline since 2004, and they are required for our basic survival.  Without pollinators, the food system will collapse, and that is not hyperbole.  If that happens, it is us that will have to then turn to eating brains to survive.

New Jersey Zombie-ish behavior

by funklord

And now in New Jersey, it has been uncovered that a baseball hazing ritual looks more like a Haitian Voodoo ritual.  It consists of holding down the new recruits and biting them about the neck area, breaking the skin.  The news report, found here, calls this vampiric, but I think we can agree this is more akin to the zombie attacks that are sweeping the nation.

Houston Zombie-ish behavior

by funklord

A woman in Houston got into a fight with her sister, and bites her arm, then chomps down on her nose and rips it off!  This really happened.  To add to the lunacy, the article goes into detail about the settlement, where the woman got 5 years probation, and was ordered by a court to give write a formal apology to her sister.  Did I mention this happened to her SISTER?!

I have a really hard time taking this at face value.  All the other “Zombie” like stories are between two people who either don;t know each other, or who have some sort of general tie.  These two were sisters, and she literally BIT her nose off!  THey don’t even go into detail what they were fighting over. Even Mike Tyson had a reason.

I should also mention that the actual incident happened LAST YEAR, right around all the other zombie like attacks.  This article is just about the legal fallout.

Mark my words, there is something more here, and we at the Funk Freedom Press will get the scoop.

Zombie Apocalypse: Day 156

by funklord

This zombies story DOES NOT contain police officers or nakedness, although it does involve the Medical Examiners office and cadavers (which are naked).  The NYC Medical Examiner’s office just got busted confiscating BRAINS!  I am not kidding you.  How many?  In the past 8 years, 7,700 brains were taken.  Why?  No one knows (I assume for eating).  The conjecture is they were doing experiments on them.  The worst part of this story is that the ME never asked the parents/family’s permission.  The report says that the brains ranged from fetuses (SICK) to a 99 year old.  The entire article is here.

If Vampires can get jobs at blood banks, why can’t zombies/ghouls get jobs at a medical examiners office?

Zombie Apocalypse: Day 151

by funklord

This story falls in line with the previous Zombie Apocalypse stories, in that it involves “drug-induced” rages, police officers, and random attacks.

In a nutshell:  A homeless man, allegedly jacked up on PCP attacks several random people, then goes after a police officer.  Now the police officer is only armed with a baton, and as you can see from the security footage, is intimidated by this hulking monster approaching him.  This is where another homeless man, Charles Alexander, is a hero and body slams the DRUG FUELED goon on his back, just as the Calvary arrives.

Like I have said in previous posts, this may not be an according to Webster zombie attack, but these super-high criminals are attacking random people, eating weird things (soap, ears, animals), and that are hard to stop with conventional means (bullets).   They are both becoming commonplace AND increasing in frequency.