For you regular readers on the FFP, you are aware that I just posted a story about an all female crime gang.  This post was originally in the form of a very dismissive Hollywood Pitch, but I am starting to come around on my own idea.  I originally saw this story as a drama, or a Movie of the Week (HI LIFETIME!), but that vision has changed.  I now see this as a hilarious caper film, where four hot aspiring criminals bungle every heist they pull off.

Take this story about 3 guys in Garland Texas who literally run into a store, grabbed 3 displays of watches, and run out the front door.  In the span of 13 seconds, they get 80 watches nabbing 19k in the process.  That’s the WHOLE story!  My math indicates that’s 1500 dollars a second!  And these idiots have completely baffled police.  They dont have leads, or even know what kind of car they were driving. This reminds me of the scene in The Big Lebowski where Walter tells The Dude that in order to get the ransom money back he is going to “Chase them down and beat it out of them” to which The Dude replies sarcastically  “That’s fucking ingenious if I understand it correctly”.  Then Walter quite eloquently retorts “The beauty of this is in it’s simplicity.  Once a plan gets too complex everything can go wrong”.   I always though this was hysterical because it was so stupid, then these three guys come along and execute that plan flawlessly.

You can watch the 13 second security cam footage where you clearly see a very large gentleman and his two buddies, run in and scamper out.  It’s REALLY funny.  Remember, I don’t use all caps unless I mean it.  You ever see a fat dude IN JEANS running out of a store with 50 lbs of gold in his arms?  Its life altering.  Insert Melissa McCarthy, Anna Faris, Wanda Sykes (you need a black one, and I have to reluctantly admit she’s hilarious) and the lovably goofy Kristen Schaal.  I’m totally serious.  Like seriously serious.  E-mail if you want to discuss funklord@funkfreedompress.com