This one is for the men out there. I have some good news, I have some bad news, and I have some worse news.

The good news: It turns out that men have the unique ability to extend their life, and this way is NOT open to women. The secret (AKA the bad news): Castration. Yes, it turns out that men who have been castrated live significantly longer than those who have not.  The research was inclusive on whether or not the men WANTED to live that long.  Also, how would that procedure effect dogs (actual canines, not men who have lots of sex)?

The worse news (AKA the solution):  In Illinois, there is a fish named the Pacu.  This fish was illegally introduced into several lakes in the state.  Well this little critter has an unusual diet:  Human Testicles.  Yes the dreaded “Ball Cutter” (local nickname) has a few kills under his belt, from chomping on a guy’s Johnson, causing fatal bleeding.  You have to see pictures of this thing.  It has a full set of human looking teeth!

The article outlines the Pacu’s normal diet as “leaves, aquatic vegetation, nuts, and snails”.  I will make sure my nuts and snails are in a cup next time I visit the Windy City.