Category Archives: Strange Animal Related Stuff

Machismo is Universal

by funklord

If this story doesn’t prove that, nothing does.  Two eagles in Minnesota got into a fight over territory.  These two cowboys played interlocked talons so deeply, they were unable to fly.  They played chicken (pun intended) all the way to the ground, with each refusing to let go of the other.  Remarkable they were fine.  A wildlife expert wrangled them in the back of her pickup.  During the transfer back to the wild, one got up and bailed, leaving the other one.  The driver heard him shout “And Stay Out!”.

To a woman, this seems really stupid, but as a man I toooootally get this.  It’s hardwired into out DNA.

Locusts? In Egypt? Someone turned the bible into real life.

by funklord

It looks like the plagues of Eqypt are back, and crazier than ever!  I almost didn’t believe this when I read it.  The entire Middle East is bracing for a biblical plague of locust proportions.  30 million bugs, hatched in the fall, are no longer hungry hungry larva, they are hungry hungry insect teenagers, eating everything green in their path.

Also, and I thought this was really weird, apparently people think that burning tires is the way to repel the swarm.  Do not understand that one.  Humungous Citronella candles I could get behind, but tires?  Maybe they are made out of insecticide over there.

This swarm is scheduled to hit Israel by Passover.  That should be fun because *insert LA style Jewish joke here

 

*For Jewish comedian friends of the Funk Freedom Press, please submit your jokes to:

Funklord@funkfreedompress.com  Don’t forget your name, age, and contact information.   One lucky winner will get to write news blog just like the Funklord!  No purchase necessary, see rules for event details.

You don’t have a tapeworm. That’s only in your head

by funklord

Would you rather have brain cancer, or a Tapeworm?  Answer seems obvious right?  What if when trying to remove a tumor, your doctor instead discovers a huge tapeworm sucking the brain juice out of your Medulla Oblongata?!

That’s what happened to Australian rocker Jay Whalley.  He had headaches, seizures, the whole bit.  He goes to a doctor, they go into his skull and find a massive tapeworm in there, all curled up and cozy.  This source?  Apparently he contracted it from an infected person a few years ago.  apparently they can’t withstand the stomach, so the eggs end up in the muscles, and remain there, dormant and nun-harmful UNLESS they end up in your eyes or brain.  Usually these are found in pork.  Oh and this guy?  He’s a vegetarian.

Sometimes it’s LITERALLY like life is set up like a casino:  You only win if the house lets you.  At least it didn’t look like this guy.

Alfred Hitchcock presents: Flying Fungal Avian Invaders (There has to be a catchier title).

by funklord

I will try to refrain from all the obvious comments.  In Kentucky, due to unknown reasons, thousands of birds have made Hopkinsville their home.  Much like the movie, they are attacking citizens, pooping everywhere, and basically terrorizing the town.  So what did the town do?  They hired a guy to take care of the problem.  This pro decided it would be a good idea to blast large bottle rocket type incendiaries at the trees, scaring the birds who then leave…and land on the nearest tree without a maniac shooting large bottle rockets at them.

Here is the twist the FFP has become famous for:  Other that being a general nuisance, these birds crap.  A LOT.  The bird droppings can cause a fungal disease called histoplasmosis.  It is dangerous to humans with compromised immune systems, and it’s fatal to dogs!  The poop lands on the soil, thus contaminating it.  It can take years for the soil to become healthy again.  It can be cured in dogs, but its expensive and takes months.

The Well Stressed Monkea

by funklord

You might remember viral monkey (think Youtube, not Outbreak) that was caught in an Ikea wearing a very expensive sheepskin coat.  Well it looks he will be more inmate than primate this season (nailed it) as this little guy, named Darwin, will spend Christmas locked in a cage.  The worst part is, there’s no chimney, no Santa, and no stockings hung with care.  Apparently the owner is fighting for custody in court and in the meantime, this poor guy is living at an animal sanctuary.  Now I get that it is illegal to own a monkey.  I don’t own one (technically), nor do I recommend it.  However, more time and money should be put into investigating if she is a good animal owner.  She obviously broke the law, that much is clear, but if she moves to a place that doesn’t forbid owning monkey’s (which she plans on doing), what’s the harm?  Why make the simian suffer, especially on Christmas?  This is not the life this little guy has become accustomed to, and depriving this guy of the latest Milan-inspired fashions is the TRUE crime here.